Cultivating Stupidity- Part I

April 10, 2007

Where people are not naturally endowed with stupidity, how can it best be cultivated? This is the title and main concern of a paper that should have been written thousands of years ago. Instead, like the Kabala, it has been handed down by word of mouth, father to son, so to speak, for countless generations until finally it has been distilled into a published doctrine: The Neoconservative Movement. [1]

For most of the 20th Century, this noble “duty” to society was bravely but violently shared by the communist “left” and the “remedial right.” The remedial, religious right, not to be confused with actual Christians like Billy Graham or Pope John Paul II or most of the Protestant, Jewish and Moslem “sects,” has never forgiven the Communists for not using “Religion” to cultivate stupidity. You see, Remedials seem to find it impossible to differentiate between stupidity and ignorance. Communism was always more interested in cultivating ignorance first- stupidity was always considered a welcome bonus.

Before the Neoconservative movement, cultivation of stupidity was mostly restricted to religious teachings- almost never to the principles of the religion, but the teaching of false principles. Christianity for many years ignored the teachings of Jesus (“Love they neighbor”, “Render unto Caesar…,” the idea that to have faith in Jesus means to have faith that if you act like he did, everything will turn out “OK”). Instead, they substituted “stupidity.” “Stupidity” means that you can only get to heaven if you have faith that Jesus is the Messiah- it’s guaranteed. It has nothing to do with faith in his teachings, but choosing to believe in “Him,” so you can get all those neat rewards in heaven. The problem is twofold. Number one: Jesus’ phony “agents” tell us that they have to convert us for some unexplained reason. (Something to do with money, I think.) Their way is the “only way,” and it is not logical. No, its not a mixture of logic and faith, it’s 100% faith. “Take my word for it!” Why???

So, my eternal life depends on taking your word for it??? Absent logic, that’s “stupidity!!!” What’s worse is, number two; the main pastime of Remedial Christians for 2000 years has been murdering people. Six million + Jews, 10-20 million Russians, Poles, various Europeans- not as many as butchered by Communism, but pretty admirable for the followers of the Prince of Peace. Their problem: There are no murders, no pogroms, there is no genocide in Jesus’ heaven. What will all those Remedial Christians do? Play golf??? Luckily most Neoconservatives play golf.

Obviously, the militant Moslem problem is very similar. The only difference? They have not been as efficient, historically, in killing Jews or Christians. In the old days, their leaders were satisfied with keeping the masses ignorant but they did not properly value stupidity, as did the Remedial Christians. Therefore, eventually, they mostly reserved killing for self-defense. Recently, in returning to genocide, they have embraced the new emblem of stupidity. They will not be outdone by those stupid Christians or more rare but equally obnoxious “Neoconservative Jewish fascists” (a new, however, oxymoronic phenomenon). Boy, if there are no virgin brothels in Paradise, these Remedial Moslem guys are really up the creek!!!

Meanwhile, we have this new disease called “Neoconservativism.” Its standard bearers, for the most part, are not stupid, however. They have taken on the sacred duty of cultivating stupidity- mostly but not entirely among remedial Christian sects. Actually anyone that believes that his religion is the only correct one is ripe for cultivation of stupidity- since it has already been so deeply implanted in his or her mind.

In reality, “Neoconservativism” seems to be an arbitrary and academic exercise. It is like a game. Let’s advance this theory, for instance: (1) We should not have diplomatic talks with governments we don’t like. Why we don’t like them is irrelevant- if push comes to shove, we can always conquer them anyway. (2) We need a really strong Executive/ Central Government to carry out our academic exercises. Since our ideas are not backed by any facts at all, we may encounter entirely too much opposition from an ignorant but not sufficiently stupid Congress. For this we need to supercede the Constitution. Unlike the Remedial interpretation of the Bible, the Constitution makes sense. It needs to be destroyed!!!

Given the fortuitous mixture, in recent years, of liberals on the Warren Court ignoring the Constitution and overreacting on issues like Affirmative Action and Roe vs. Wade, plus the addition of opportunistic and amoral judges like Mr. Scalia and Mr. Alito, what better chance than now to eliminate the Constitution???

It’s actually quite simple for these people and not stupid at all! First, take advantage of the Administrative Law Act- a clear violation of the Constitution permitted for some 70 years to legislate through the executive without a vote by the legislature and enact one unconstitutional act and law after another. Start with the War Powers Act, then entice a stupid and ignorant Congress to unconstitutionally relinquish its power to declare war to the President and then pass the even more unconstitutional Patriot Act, giving up even more rights that the Congress had no right to give away in the first place to anyone, even the President. Then use war as a reason and a method to destroy the Constitution.

In “the old days,” before the development of high-grade bovine fertilizers and potent stupidity enhancers, this type of person would at least occasionally be prosecuted especially for real crimes like subverting US Intelligence Agencies and the FBI, embezzling federal funds for private companies, diverting Military funds from protecting our troops to executives at Raytheon! Sometimes, they would even be tried, convicted and later pardoned. Since the great success of the Neoconservative movement, however, cultivation of stupidity has become so fertile that only voluntary oral sex by consenting adults qualifies or is considered by the Federal government to be a serious crime. What’s more, most people now seem to consider these activities as “business as usual” and accept them without argument.

Something seems to have happened in the 1990’s; with unbridled research in high-grade fertilizers, a rogue virus called Herpetis stupidus first infected Congress. Initially, only Republicans seemed susceptible, but later the deadly virus, which seems to affect only brain tissue, gradually spread to Democratic representatives and to a majority of the American voters. Apparently, it has now, unfortunately, passed atherosclerosis as the number one health problem in the U.S.

Consider, now, that there is a Remedial movement afoot to teach the Bible in public schools. Let me see: As I recall from my Bible studies, Abraham forgets to take his medication one night and he hears a voice telling him to sacrifice his son to God- So he fires up the Barbecue. He is about to roast his own son when he sees an angelic therapist who convinces him to sacrifice a ram instead. [2] The moral of the story is that if “voices” tell you to kill your son, see a therapist and take your medication. Remedials call it a “test of faith.” There’s that “stupid” word again, faith without reason or conscience.

Samuel, a “Levite”(from another tribe, so not really a Levite, to begin with) talks with God and reluctantly picks a devout and seemingly reasonable man as King of Judea. Saul is, at first, a great hero defending the land from the Finkelsteins… I mean the Phillistines… but he balks at murdering every last innocent woman, child and animal. Samuel insists that God told him to murder everybody. Saul seems to feel this is insane and cowardly. Samuel claims that Saul is insane and cowardly. Apparently, Samuel was an early Neoconservative, so he finishes the job himself. [3] Again, remedials consider Saul the crazy one because he lacked faith in a God that murders innocent people. There’s that “stupid” word again.

Just when you think it can’t get worse… Even though gambling is mostly outlawed in our theocracy, one day God and the devil make a bet! God bets the devil that Job will still have faith in Him, even though He is going to murder Job’s family. [4] So, this “God” guy is portrayed by Remedials as an inveterate gambler, a murderer, a psychotic and worst of all, his therapist, Moses, is nowhere to be found at this time! Oh, these tests of faith- not that “stupid” word again?

You remember Moses, don’t you? He’s the guy that calms God down when he is about to kill all those Israelites in the desert. [5] Wouldn’t that be stupid, after all that hard work? No King of the Jews, no Jewish Messiah and without Moses and Jesus, probably no Mohammed either.

-Allen Finkelstein D.O. ©2007


[1] Not to be confused with “bowel” movement, although they certainly seem to share the same byproduct and both are used for cultivation purposes.

[2] Genesis 22: 1-13

[3] Samuel 15: 1-33

[4] Job 1-42

[5] Deuteronomy 9: 14-29