The O'Finky Factor

What Free Market?

July 16, 2008

Every “good man,” I think, goes to his grave with regrets about those things he did wrong. The rest of us go with a clean conscience either because we deny the validity of our “sins” or at one point we suddenly “believe!” Joe (Scarborough), you’re stuck. You will go with your sins on your sleeve. There will be no Republicans, Conservatives, Democrats, Liberals to pander to about Free Enterprise and the evils of government (socialist) regulation. There will be only No-bid contracts to the Haliburtons, Exxon Mobils, Lockheeds, Boeings, Durable Goods and Oxygen Companies Laboratories, and Drug Companies! Did the poor suffering oil companies (stuck with those 2% Royalties for oil profits in Alaska and off our coasts and the 14-16% royalties in Texas and Oklahoma) compete for those ridiculous bargains? Did Canada and other countries compete for nine dollar per acre leases and mineral rights?

“We” (you actually) impeached a president for having oral sex with a consenting adult, but refused to even censure the bum for giving away satellite chips to the Chinese for campaign donations. You and your buddies economic “Free Enterprise” advocates, Republicans and Democrats, “freed” Enron to not only have “anal sex” with its non-consenting employees’ money, but you guys deregulated every phase of business you could, including accounting, consulting, investing and commodities. Your buddies never tried to compromise with the witless left wing wonders on the Democratic side. The horrible irony is that you represent the “cream of the crop” among Congressmen, one of the best trying to represent us and you don’t even recognize what you’ve done. What can we expect from those lower forms of life, the Mitch McConnels, the Tom Delays, the Phil Gramms, the Pete Starks, John Dingles and Dick Durbins? We could name scores of others who would sell out their countrymen for a buck or two. Let’s start with McConnell. I’d love to have a chat with Mitch McConnell about energy and the “Free Market.”

Q: Mitch, I listened to your “testimony” on C-Span during our Congressional hearings. Very impressive. You proclaimed the importance of drilling oil in Alaska and off our coasts. Do you know what the oil companies’ royalties would amount to if they drilled these areas?

McConnell: I’m not sure, a-hem….

Q: Are you aware that they are 2-4%, that oil will not be produced for at least 15 years in these areas? Do you know what the royalties are for oil in the currently capped wells in Texas and Oklahoma?

McConnell: I’m not sure, a-hem…

Q: Are you aware that they are 14-16% and that these are meager by any other country’s standards?

McConnell: Really, a-hem….

Q: Have you ever heard of the “Conservative” concept of “states rights?” The people in Alaska wish to have oil wells, apparently, in the ANWR provinces. They feel this could be done without severe environmental consequences and would provide an economic boon to their state, even with delayed production of oil. The coastal states do not want drilling. Why don’t we compromise and drill in Alaska and not off the coast of states that do not wish us to drill?

McConnell: Ahem… The oil companies do not pay me to compromise, sir. Besides, they do not want to drill in Texas or Oklahoma and pay those damn royalties, when they can wait a few years and double or triple their profits. Can’t you see, you are asking me to ruin a perfect scenario for these companies?

Q: Did these oil companies ever have to bid for their contracts?

McConnell: I don’t know, it was before my time.

Q: You also are an advocate of continuing tax incentives for oil companies. For what purpose?

McConnell: Research and Development- for finding new areas for drilling and for developing alternative fuel sources.

Q: And, of the 18 billion dollars in incentives in 2007, what portion was actually spent on R & D as you call it?

McConnell: Ahem,… I’m not sure.

Q: Are you aware that 3 billion dollars was spent on these proposed tasks and 15 billion dollars pocketed by various oil companies? Perhaps our government could have spent the other 15 billion dollars more usefully- what do you think?

McConnell: I don’t know.

Q: Do you think, perhaps, the 15 billion dollars could go into a Comprehensive Energy Policy, one that could include input from proponents of drilling, environmentalists, scientists, representatives of states’ rights, oil companies, and representatives of coal, natural gas, biofuels, auto manufacturers, and even physicians?

McConnell: What is a “policy?” Is that like a war? Is that like a War on Drugs or Poverty or Terror? I’m not familiar with any “policies?”

Q: If you don’t mind, Mr. McConnell, can we all go now and take our afternoon naps? This was a very tiring discussion.

McConnell: ZZZZZZZZ………