Imagine If There is a Heaven

May 14, 2010

Imagine if there really is a heaven?  God sits with his "main men," souls like Moses, Jesus, Mohammed, Buddah, Confucius, Hillel, Mother Theresa, Eleanor Roosevelt and maybe Patrick Moynihan.  What politician would have a better chance than he?  If nothing else, God must be honest.  He almost killed his Chosen People in the desert.  Fortunately, Moses saved Him and them in the nick of time.  He let Jesus die at the hands of the Romans because he was considered the rightful King of the Jews.  As a result, the most destructive religious force in the history of mankind held back civilization for over a thousand years and killed tens of millions of innocent people.  The religion's messengers became filthy rich on the backs of the poor, while the loudest proponents still con their victims out of millions of dollars to this very day.

Mohammed, for his part, admits that his early days of religious conversion by conquest have, somehow, far outlived his later attempts to peacefully convert and tolerate those of other religions.  He sadly reminisces about the lost greatness of the Islamic Empire, deteriorated into a rotting Shariah corpse, with so many of his followers reeling in the abject moral poverty of their retarded oppressors.

Buddah and Confucius sadly reflect on their vain attempts to separate superstition from religious ethics.  They became witness to an ideology devoid of religion, Communism, which managed to destroy so many millions of innocent lives that it embarassed and dwarfed the best efforts of the worst of the so called "Christians" and "Muslims."

God, for his part, admits, tongue in cheek, that "nobody's perfect."  Giving people "free will" is a scary business and only God would have the guts to do it.  They all nod in agreement.  "That's why He gets paid the big bucks."

Allen Finkelstein, D.O.