Different Perspectives

December 22, 2008

Haldol*, not Alcohol:

Sometimes things are so strikingly similar that they cannot escape comparison. The idea that the world of sports is a microcosm of the world of politics cannot be ignored. Vice President Cheney, in a "drunken stooper,"shoots his friend in the face, this, only a few years after being stopped for drunk driving. The Vice President seems to have a penchant for making irrational, emotionaldecisions without thinking through to the ultimate consequences.

Head coach and offensive coordinator, John Gruden, costantly at odds with every offensive star that he has ever had on the Buccaneers, in a similar drunken condition, foolishly caddies for an even more "pickled" John Daly. Gruden also seems to make numerous irrational, emotional decisions as both head coach and offensive coordinator. He refused to use his two best deep threats on the same field(benching Joey Galloway) and Quarterback, Luke McGown, essentially conceding that his brilliantly coached offense should only need 10 points to win in Atlanta. After all, except for rare occasions, like the week before, wouldn't the other Buccaneers team, the defensive team, bail out the offense and its coordinator?

Unfortunately, it would take thirteen points to win in Atlanta. When, on third down, deep in Atlanta territory, with two inches to go fora first down, with every Bucs fan praying that theiroffensive coordinator would not do anything foolish, that he would call a quarterback sneak, for somereason, he calls a trick play! The center, clearly rattled by the brilliant move,could, be seen, nervously raising the football and moving it up nearly a foot,before setting it down again, and, withthe quarterback apparently calling for a quick snap, forgets to hike the ball. After a quarterback sack of a still injured veteran quarterback, no first down, no victory.

How does one describe the infamous loss?"OffensiveCoordinator defeats Defensive Coordinator thirteen to ten?""Kiffin's defense no match for Gruden's offensive genius; Bucs lose 13-10.?" Whatever the answer is, one thing becomes quite apparent in both Dick Cheney's Vice Presidency and the Buccaneers' offense: what is needed is less Alcohol and more Haldol.

Allen Finkelstein, D.O.

* Haldol is a commonly used antipsychotic and tranquilizer